Not too much to say about today. Work was fine; dinner was fine; I had an unsuccessful trip to Canadian Tire; and, I’ve played a little AoE 3. I was going to help Adam bring the docks in at his cottage this weekend but that’s been postponed until next weekend, which is convenient because that means he can be involved with the moving process.
A lot of people have offered to help in the move, and I appreciate that. But, I have this strange problem where I am not comfortable accepting help that I haven’t earned. Eric summarized my feelings once when he told me that he always likes to leave more than what was there when he started, or give more than he takes. That’s how I feel, only I don’t like to take more than I have already given. This makes for slow starting relationships, as I find it difficult to ask for something of someone without having given to them in some way. And I’m not talking material things, I’m talking about help, advice, and even information.
In a way the slow-starting relationship concept works very well for me for two reasons that I can think of right now: 1) it builds a relationship on trust, working from simple things like trusting replies to be honest working up to larger things such as trusting one with responsibility for loved ones; and, 2) it weeds out the people who are not willing to work for, or put into, a relationship to make it work. Both of these things are very important to me because I believe that I am very trustworthy, holding trust in high regard, and I believe that I put a lot into relationships. To a fault.
There has been at least one case that I can think of, but I’m sure more exist, where I put more into a relationship than the other (we’re talking a factor of 50 times), and it sucks. It’s like I wanted so much for the relationship to work that I turned a blind eye to that fundamental requirement I have, and not just once. Over and over I became frustrated with the other person because of a lack of effort, or lack of appreciation, but each time I pushed forward thinking that things would be different–that things would change. Recently I’ve given up, but I hadn’t realized it until I wrote this sentence right now. It’s kind of a relief to write it–to have my feelings formulated into a few words on a website. I think maybe it’s just nice to see your feelings.
So how did I get here? Oh right, trust and putting into a relationship as the output from a slow-starting relationship. What this has bought me is a few fantastic relationships that are so far above any other relationships I have. These are the people that I am completely comfortable with–people who have put so much into the relationship pot with me that we don’t even have to think about giving more than we take. Maybe some people call these relationships “best friends” but I really, honestly don’t believe that any such relationship can be given a worthy title.
As much as I appreciate the offers of help from friends and family, they are not the people I want helping me move. The people I want helping me move are the ones who I share these fantastic relationships with (who happen to be friends and family, confusing as it is). Not everyone can make it, and I understand. But I look forward to sharing the experience first hand with those who can, and look just as much forward to sharing the experience second hand with those who cannot.
8 days.